anjani siddhartha

They come and go, lovers, friends and
pop corn…
I am still here trying to hold on,
but will soon let go….
Passing moments even if we 
love for them to become lifetimes.
Why are we afraid to let them die?
Today is already gone and time
is not longer the dame of prize.
I am still here, for a brief reprise ,
to say the least without a cry.
Can I write again without being
too bright ? pretending to know
what I never tried.
My fingers twitch to touch again,
to feel the flesh to feel the pen.
Who am I to get in life’s way?
Just let it flow, like a sudden rain,
a little drop that feeds the pain…
unexpected laughter that fills the air,
I am back, once more to
walk on earth.

anjani

apr. 25, 2014

anjani siddhartha

You write me a text on 
my cell phone,
tell me you really want me…
that you need me.
emoticons, cute, sexy words 
That do little for me…
Maybe you are drunk or
don’t really mean it.

Maybe is my mystic mood,
thinking about death and
who I am meeting in
my next phase, another place
to give my life meaning.

I go out at night, look at
the starry sky and gaze
like a loony inside a concrete
cage, surrounded by barb wire
and guard posts with not escape.

I read again, my past lives notes,
the one’s I clearly recall.
Keep repeating the same moves,
the same mistakes I made over
100 years ago
when I was born in France as
Maupassant.

Re-read again my past lives in
India and Tibetan caves and ask
myself:
why…why do I repeat the same
mistakes all over again?

There is not god that I can blame,
it is just me, and only me, all
over again….got to be strong,
have a clear mind to see beyond
just like Buddha’s words…

Anjani

ap. 10, 2014.

anjani siddhartha

SONG
(someday, no far away…)

Someday, no far away
I will be walking head high
without fears.

One day, soon is the hope,
when you come home,
I will be no more,
face with not tears.

Don’t ask me why,
just look my eyes:
I am not here.

There will be no cries,
body cold as ice,
long hair wet…
don’t blame yourself.

Not need to hear
more empty words,
from this annoying voice.

Someday, no far away
I will be walking head high
without fears…

Just remember me
without regrets,
the times we laughed,
the poems I wrote…

And when you hug
the rigid body, just know
I am in a better place,
where there is
not need to feel ashamed.

Someday, no far away
I will be dancing out
in space
without any fears…

Anji

March 7, 2014

anjani siddhartha

From now on,I will live as if I am dreaming
(perhaps I am).

Adore the casual meetings with strangers 
in a park, the one hour conquests
that later vanish without saying goodbye.

I will not dread the arrival of bad news,
I can just turn my head and pretend
they are not true…

Je vais parler français ….
I will speak french with the dead and
watch the expression of their
pale faces…quel plaisir !

Dance instead of walking, listening
to the sound of accordions in my
purple mind.
( I can paint it any color I want).

Taste the sour-sweetness of a
fresh pineapple even
when not eating.

Homes are made of cotton
instead of concrete
in my wonderland.

I will share my laughter,
I will shed not tears…
getting up from bed in the mornings
there will be not more fears.

I will let go of pain by saying:
“This too shall pass”
and go to bed, hide under the covers
smile to myself and close my eyes.

Ah ! here I come…the constant dreamer,
see the clouds? they are made of gold,
shiny silver dust and tiny glass stars.

Being alone doesn’t have to
mean being lonely, I will always
have myself by my side.

I can talk to Nietzsche, Osho and
Maupassant…we will share a
glass of wine and argue about
the meaning of life.

Then, and only then, lay down
on the grass, look up at the dark skies
and feel with all my senses
the magic of being alive.

Anji

Ap.3 , 2014

anjani siddhartha

Mind eaten by thoughts, 
body shrinking with time.
Smelling the end of my fingers
is a custom I have.

Don't disturb me while
I am dreaming, it is impolite.

Sorry if I don't hear your loud cries,
I am way too busy waiting for this
body to die.

Madness is my escape
to the divine.
Guilty and uninspired I left it all
to chance.

Lumbering in darkness to hide
this heinous crime: to expose
the secrets of this
trembling mind.

Is there a need to brush my hair
if I not longer care?
Let the mirror lie.

If I AM here, who is there?
why deny the smell of
Coco Chanel?

Nietzsche said god is dead,
I swear it wasn’t me…
How can I kill someone that
doesn’t exist?

I better go , it is getting late,
what the future holds when
it open its gates? maybe a new
Starbucks with the flavor of the day.

Anjani