THE UNION OF THE OPPOSITES

Unity of opposites...

the visible and the unseen,

male/female apparent division,
Moon in her constant Sun embrace.

Day falling in the arms of night,

the Taoist Yin and Yang.

Anjani, the Sensual and the ascetic...
lover of music and silent eyes.

Today dancing in the crowd,
tomorrow sitting alone in
 the middle
of nowhere or
swimming naked in a summer lake.

I like this, I don’t like that,
war and peace, religion and mundane,
the two sides of a coin inside
a mystic brain.

To be asleep or to be awake.

to feel hungry or to eat at in-n-out.

the choice ...the final decision arrives:
is it this or that ?

To live or to die,
the tear and the laugh...
to shower with the rain.

The exploration of the metaphysical planes,
to go beyond black and white,
pleasure and pain,

the sacred and the profane.

Ahhh...earth what a place...
the illusion the yogis call Maya,
so real yet it evaporates.

Ahhh...enough for today,
I am too lazy
to write another word
repeating the inexpressible
over and over again...

anji
March 27, 2014

anji pole dance

STEPPING ASIDE

Stepping aside from conventional rules

believed to be a societal must.

Found an embrace, a lust for tonight

to make me not to remember my plight.

Throwing my cares again to the wind,

giving my body to you in a whim,

Midnight till 3 in the morning, 

didn’t care about my sleep.

Running in highways I build in my dreams.

He caress my back, my neck, my thighs…

mind stops thinking, sensations

takes over and I just let it be….

Worries vanish at least for a moment  when

you kiss my lips…

The warm of your body makes my head spin,

is this Zen? or at least it seems….

The death of the body you make me  forget,

and paying my debts, at least for a day…

The magic of the sensual encounter, 

to many a sin in disguise,

to me, it is bliss of a marvelous kind !

Anji

march 25, 2014

TALKING TO MY IMAGINARY LOVER

Please pull up your pillow a little higher, I want to

rest my weary head across your hairless chest,

run my fingers throughout your tummy with closed

eyes and soft breath.

Por favor, answer me these questions

that are burning in my mind:

why do we all have to die?

what is the purpose of this short, short life?

My soft skin will be dust in the fire of cremation,

teeth and bones will crackle with old age.

I know, I know, of the eternity of the self,

but I won’t be Anjani once again !

All that is dear will be lost and gone:  family,

my Hanuman collection and my dog.

My sexy butt and little breast will be not more,

the sexy photos…all my paintings will be dust.

Yes, I do remember the non-attachment

Buddha preached in the gardens, 

it is easier said than done…how can I forgive

your kisses and the way we make love?

I can run to the mountains and become a 

drifter old Sadhu: matted hair, sprinkle

ashes of the dead all over my naked body,

roam the Ganges… you think that will do?

Maybe walking by the river, lifting little stones,

put them in my purse then build small castles,

and carve faces of ancient goddess

until the day I drop.

What if there is not purpose and just being here is

enough? Let the bees fly around me,

watch the sunset and enjoy the little time

I have remaining with or without you.

But how about the pain ? the loneliness, being

sad and sick ? don’t’ say “c’est la vie” , that’s life…

The hunger is so real, even baby Krishna was

a “butter thief”… you can see his dirty hands !

Some say I am enlightened or just a Divine 

Colombian/Californian born slut… 

that I have all the answers 

but pretend that I don’t know…

Are we on some type of cruel vacation 

on earth’s reality show ? 

some say this body was created

by Aliens or by some God unknown…

All I want is your arms around me, 

lay in bed by your side, use

all my senses: smell, touch and sight…

that will do it for me at least this time.

Just for one day I want to stop the madness

not more out-of-body talk;

keep kissing my neck and pull my hair

until I get lost.

Past, present and future get out of my way 

once and for all …

To live here-now, what a silly little phrase !!!

I live there and then to get far, far away…

Anjani

march 19, 2014

anjani siddhartha

Many times I paint myself into dark corners, 

only to escape by jumping from 

the windows of my imagination

to the emptiness below.

I can fly just fine, 

not need to borrow

butterfly’s wings…float, pass thru glass,

like an aimless ghost without alibi.

March 16 full moon likes to play 

with my emotions like a puppet

in the hands of destiny…

moods swing like old cloths on a rope

moved by the wind.

Standing in front of the mirror in

the silence of midnight,

I don’t see my image, only reflections

of a thousand tiny shining lights.

Be quiet, you foolish mind !

stop the voices and the images…

let me be deaf and blind 

at least once.

I try to run from the void fully knowing that it

is a futile effort, it will soon come:

the nothing-ness of not forms.

I saw it in my past life as Maupassant…they 

called me crazy then, 

maybe now I can pass as “normal”

and have the last laugh, once again.

Sexual pleasures are the ultimate escape, it is so

close to Nirvana that most times I forget and get lost

in the madness of the flesh.

I will go on eating, write, sculpt and paint…

shape my body with weigh lifting ,

do the Karma yoga thing, Act without acting

and pretend this is it.

Anjani

March 17, 2014

anjani siddhartha

TO THE MEN IN MY LIFE (reflections on the past)

I still don’t understand why…

Was I too smart ? too young ? too old ?

too Harsh ?

for you to disappear from my life…

Maybe not enough woman to make you

feel a real man.

I know I get a little crazy at times, throw
my phone across the room when I get
depressed or get mad;

break the mirrors on the wall with my bare hands.

Look around !

it maybe why: clothes piled

on the floors, the tables and divan…

and the kitchen! dirty dishes and the salt is 

hard to find.

Oh…I see the books laying on the bathroom tiles, 

“Tibetan book of the dead”, Buddha,

Lao -Tzu , The Gita  

and the poems of Maupassant….

I begin to understand…

I always talk about alien life when you just want to go

to bed and play the man.

Then I proceed to tell you about my past lives, astral

travels and the other side.

Maybe you are Christian and I am way too much…

or my body is not what you expected, 

I am stronger than you are…

Maybe you are afraid of me,

my tattoos make me a rebel in your eyes.

Maybe I am boring even if I think

that I am being fun…

I am also way too stringent and know what I really like.

keep running, save your life ! I may forgive you, 

once, twice or thrice…after that will never want

to see your shadow day or night.

I give you my body and intellectual mind, 

in return you have to give me 

your devotion and be mine.

You told me “will be forever by your side”.

it was the biggest lie, you are a fake, 

I am way to real for your laughs.

I still don’t understand why…

Or maybe I do, 

and just want to play the part.

anjani

march 14, 2014

anjani siddhartha

My Life so far, is a mixture of tears and wine,
not a sweet carnival on a boulevard,
neither bloodshed by a roadside.

Tearing the curtains of the mystery that lies
behind, 
an everyday pursuit, as if I was blind.

Who/what contains the answers to all the riddles
of life?

I look inside of empty coffee cans,
behind the dumpsters and the lonely
dreams at night.

Searched in old books, smelling each page,
as if it was the last.

Ate a banana peel to taste the blood of plants,
Carved a niche on the wall to place my empty heart.

Tried to invent new words to confused the mind,
like zen masters do, wanting to transcend
and go to otherworldly lands.

Stop for a moment, listen to opera, which I still
don’t understand… the cacophony of noises coming
from the act.

Still fight the flesh, is it really mine?
the internal battle continues
between carnal pleasures and the abstinence of
imaginary “Gods”.

All of that in one single day!
it is like watching a movie
with an endless end…

The screen goes blank,
all the seats are empty,
all of them...
except mine.

anjani

march 10/2014

anjani siddhartha

Singing to my imaginary friends in my car, on
a lonely California road in the middle of the night.

laying down in bed reflecting on all the 
lost loves in my life.
what went wrong? 
I thought all my actions were right…

With all the loneliness,
is it possible to survive?

What will Buddha said if he saw my plight?

He will hug me, like Ram hugged Hanuman,
and we will both laugh:
“Anjani…so wise, what game is she
playing now in this material life?”

I just saw in Google news today,
another great man died…
all accomplishments a memory of the past.

Also read about Valeria, the human Barbie
that comes from venus and remember
her past lives…welcome to earth! your
beauty brings light.

I try to forget not by drinking wine,
Get lost in an unexpected caress,
a tight grip on my body and few love
bites.

The grandeur of living I find in the small
things at hand…the tiniest details, like a
baby hummingbird crying for his mom to
bring him food, with closed eyes.

But it made me sad when I saw the same
baby hummi eaten by hungry ants…it just broke
my heart…life is so cruel on this land.

Bones grow weaker with many moons and suns,
The most beautiful models of years gone by, are
dust now or have a wrinkled butt.

They said Buddha saw old age, disease and death
and grew tired of smiles and dance…
it was the beginning of his quest to search “inside”…
I am on the same path…

I do not deny physical life,
but now I KNOW
what is really “behind”…

anji
march 5, 2014