anjani siddhartha

TO THE MEN IN MY LIFE (reflections on the past)

I still don’t understand why…

Was I too smart ? too young ? too old ?

too Harsh ?

for you to disappear from my life…

Maybe not enough woman to make you

feel a real man.

I know I get a little crazy at times, throw
my phone across the room when I get
depressed or get mad;

break the mirrors on the wall with my bare hands.

Look around !

it maybe why: clothes piled

on the floors, the tables and divan…

and the kitchen! dirty dishes and the salt is 

hard to find.

Oh…I see the books laying on the bathroom tiles, 

“Tibetan book of the dead”, Buddha,

Lao -Tzu , The Gita  

and the poems of Maupassant….

I begin to understand…

I always talk about alien life when you just want to go

to bed and play the man.

Then I proceed to tell you about my past lives, astral

travels and the other side.

Maybe you are Christian and I am way too much…

or my body is not what you expected, 

I am stronger than you are…

Maybe you are afraid of me,

my tattoos make me a rebel in your eyes.

Maybe I am boring even if I think

that I am being fun…

I am also way too stringent and know what I really like.

keep running, save your life ! I may forgive you, 

once, twice or thrice…after that will never want

to see your shadow day or night.

I give you my body and intellectual mind, 

in return you have to give me 

your devotion and be mine.

You told me “will be forever by your side”.

it was the biggest lie, you are a fake, 

I am way to real for your laughs.

I still don’t understand why…

Or maybe I do, 

and just want to play the part.

anjani

march 14, 2014